Lost on Mars?

"Life on Mars" ABC Thursdays 10PM
Jason O'Mara,Harvey Keitel,Michael Imperioli,Gretchen Mol

Does anyone still watch network television? Maybe the unfortunate few still twisting rabbit ears for a dose of "Dancing with the Stars" are the primary audience. Maybe it's the few remaining denizens of the great wasteland who can't afford cable or a dish. And don't forget college students and convicts. Every once in a while "ratings analysts" bring that old chestnut out to justify the lack of desirable demographics for some sexy new show. I have spent enough time in colleges and correctional facilities and I promise you they all have cable.

In the past the big networks underwrote an entire sub-industry of people who would produce hundreds of hours of terrible pilot shows that were destined to be seen by exactly no one. It was a shotgun approach that made sense because they had so much goddamn money they could afford to make 100 hours of crap and let the rare gem that emerged from the sphincter of Hollywood underwrite the 99 turds that sunk to the bottom.

Those were the good old days.

These days, the pilot biz is pretty much toast. Network TeeVee 2.0 is looking to hit a more reliable vein and has taken to plundering various off-shore sources.

'The Office' is probably the most successful example of this trend. Exporting racy South American telenovellas? Not so much.

It's not really a new idea - 'All in the Family' and 'Sanford & Son' were ripped off from British models many moons ago.

ABC's new 'Life on Mars' is based on a BBC show although it's hard to imagine a very exciting retro 1970's cop show with Ford Cortinas and gun-challenged London Bobbies on bicycles.

Harvey Keitel on a network TV show? Who knew that would ever happen? Good ol' craggy faced Harv' reading the proverbial phone book would be enough for me to check it out at least once.

'Life on Mars' is a weird amalgam of cop show and science-fiction. A present-day NYC copper gets slammed by a car and finds himself transported to Serpico-land circa 1973. It's a pretty graceless way to time travel. The premise soon turns up a few existential notches beyond this rather crude jumping-off point. Maybe he's dreaming, maybe he's brain-damaged, maybe it has something to do with the vaguely Wall*E robot that makes a mysterious appearance in the second episode.

Based on the two episodes we've seen, 'Mars' is basically a mystery/procedural with a pretty cool gimmick. Sprinkled throughout are various kooky-spooky bits that feel pulled from the playbook of 'Lost' or 'Twin Peaks.' An interesting approach for a cop show , but if you look at the track records of the aforementioned, you're going to end up with a lot of pissed-off viewers when the whole thing doesn't really end up making much sense.

It's worth a look. But what happens if the whole thing goes down in flames after a season or so? Are viewers going to be happy with a tie-in comic book wrapping up the loose threads? I flew the coop after a few episodes of 'Heroes' for exactly that reason. It was interesting but I wrongly smelled the stench of death on it. Maybe I was wrong about 'Heroes', but I am nothing if not commitment averse.

Besides, I still don't understand what really happened with Laura Palmer.

Like it says in one of the classic rock gems sprinkled throughout 'Life on Mars', I won't get fooled again.