"One Thousand Things" No. 1 in a Series of 1000

Kentucky Fried Chicken, 10 Piece Bucket, Original Recipe.
No thank you, Mr. Flavor Flav. I still think extra-crispy is weird. I'm scared and confused when I think "crispiness" might be some weird food technology additive. The other day the guy behind the counter at the gas station pointed to an unpronounceable, exotic chemical ingredient listed on the wrapper of my Slim-Jims.

"You know what that stuff is?"
Wait for it, I'm thinking...
"Worms. They put earthworms in there."

I guess that's possible. Maybe they arrive at the Slim-Jim factory in pellet-form, encased in 55-gallon drums looking innocuous and benign. I do know that nobody at the Slim-Jim factory actually eats the stuff. Maybe the president of the Slim-Jim factory takes a bite out of one for the occasional photo opp. Still, I bet he lies when his kids ask him what he does for a living.

Slim-Jims are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.
-Otto von Bismarck

He was a wise man, Mr. Bismarck. In addition to his stint as sovereign leader of Lower Bismarckia he spent several years as a popular rapper.

So anyway, I got a big ol' bucket of KFC "original recipe" the other night. It's been a while and I missed the Colonel. It's quite spendy to expect people to shell out $20 bucks at a place with fluorescent lights where handi-wipes are an essential part of the experience. Especially since the last two items usually signal a "happy ending" is right around the corner.

KFC seems to be one of those foodstuffs that everyone maligns and no one ever cops to actually scoring. Like Domino's or Arby's. And I happen to enjoy all three of the aforementioned second-tier fast-food emporiums. Heck, Hardee's is carving out quite the niche by offering burgers that are the caloric and fat-equivalent of a picnic cooler filled with Big Macs.

I say: more power to them. This Bud's for you!...second-tier also-rans of the fast-food omniverse! I tip my hat to Carls Jr., FatBurger and of course, White Castle Systems.